Let’s be honest, I’ve been lagging on the blog lately and I apologise profusely for that. Let me explain what’s been going down since I last posted a proper article.
I made some friends.
Not that drastic, is it? Nothing incredible, right? It’s something every normal eighteen year old does, they make friends.
Except, I’m not very good with balance and having friends that actually want to hang around with me really throws me off of my everyday schedule. I can just about cope with everything I pile on myself with the blog, my YouTube, my job, my boyfriend and my family along with doing all those things you gotta do to be a good human like shower and stay hydrated. So having friends has kind of turned my world upside down. Not in a bad way just… I’m easily distracted.
I get caught up in a social life and I completely lose sight of what I want out of life, I forget to work hard I just end up messing about and not exactly wasting my time because I’m having fun but I haven’t been productive in a while and it’s getting the better of me.
But I’m back now and in a month, I’m heading to Spain for five weeks so that I can concentrate on my writing away from everything and everyone. I’m picking up where I left off which is good, we all have breaks, right?
The people I have befriended are great and I love them dearly, they are incredible, talented and hilarious, they add a little light to my life. Unfortunately, this makes it that bit easier to be drawn away from what’s important to me, my writing. It’s been so simple to just put off my responsibilities to hang out with these people because it’s so entertaining but again, I keep slacking and I’m struggling to find a balance between my social life and my hobbies.
I know this is no excuse for not grafting hard but this is the reason I haven’t been so present recently and I am sorry for that. You see, when I was younger, I was that weird chubby girl that collected spiders and teased her hair too much whilst painting her eyes in liner so as you can probably tell, I wasn’t someone everybody was rushing to be friends with. Now that I’ve grown up and my eyebrows are in better shape, I’m a little more approachable and whilst this is great, I also get in way over my head. I end up putting everything else in the backseat and in the process, I lost my freaking mind. I try very hard to be liked and make people laugh just because I’ve never had a lot of friends and this is no fun for anyone. I’ve put so much effort into that and forgotten how much I need to write to feel okay, it’s like a little release for me. Some people have alcohol, some have exercise, I have my writing. My motivation went down and I feel as though I’ve failed myself by getting distracted and I shouldn’t have because it should be really easy to have friends but I don’t find it easy, in fact, I find it exhausting. It’s exhausting to pull myself away from them because I worry that they’ll think I’m neglecting them and if I don’t spend enough time with them, then maybe they won’t want me around when I have got myself back on track. But it’s not that, I’m just useless and tend to focus on one thing at a time.
So now I’m trying to draw my focus back to my blog rather than being unproductive and worrying about how far behind I’m falling. I will find equilibrium eventually, just bear with me.